The Trouble With Waiting For The Perfect Man/Woman

Actually it is Troubles plural, i can think of two big ones off the top of my head…

Trouble #1. When you eventually find the perfect one they will in all likelihood choose to wait until they meet their perfect partner rather than choosing you.

Trouble #2. If you find the one who is perfect in your eyes you may very well find that living with someone who is perfect can be… somewhat of a challenge to the old ego.

It’s not easy living with someone who always does the right thing, never makes mistakes, can never be helped to do something (because they CAN actually do everything better than you) and even if they have the perfect manners to not say so, knowing that you will never be able to quite match up to their level of perfection is just a teeny bit confidence destroying, not to mention mentally exhausting.

I speak from experience.

AS i’m sure can many others. 😉

love.

18 comments

    • Awwww… now that makes me sad. 😦
      I didn’t really say what i started out to say, which is that finding perfection when you yourself are not yet perfect is not all that likely. – if even possible, after all none of us are perfect.

      That is not to say we cannot find a pretty perfect match for our imperfections in someone else… it’s a matter of finding the right balance/mix of good points and bad points.

      Believe me – you don’t want to find someone who has NO bad points! 😉

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      • It is okay. Don’t you be sad.

        I think if you are searching for perfection then you will be searching forever. “Perfect for you” or “Perfect match” or “Perfect fit” is much more attainable.

        I also think that if you spend your life comparing yourself to others then you are always going ti be disappointed with yourself. If your significant other is better at things than you that shouldn’t be a reason to not be with them. Nor sgould that person be punished for this. It should be celebrated and if you feel insecure about your own abilities them it is up to you to better yourself.

        There is no such thing as someone with NO bad points. Everyone has high points and low points.

        Something I have spoken about with friends before is the idea of a “box person”… we all have a box to fill. Everyone’s box is shaped differently. We are all looking for someone who fits that box. You shouldn’t have to force someone into that box or trim them down in any way.

        Anyway… this was a long response…

        Liked by 1 person

        • WE are in large agreement here.

          ‘Bout the box thingy though. the box shape varies over time as we learn things, realise things about ourself, life and other people. Holding on to the same box too long is not such a good idea methinks? 🙂

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        • Definitely. Our boxes change as we ourselves change. It doesn’t mean that the person who once fit won’t fit any more. That would depend on if you grew together or apart.
          I don’t think we have any control over our boxes… we do control who we try to put in them.
          I might write a whole post on box people actually…

          Liked by 1 person

    • I would agree completely.

      It’s a seeming incongruity that for human beings (and likely almost everything else) perfection involves a considerable amount of imperfection! Probably due to us seeing things with less than perfect vision and foresight. Even our hindsight is rarely 20/20, which of course, is not actually ‘perfect’ 🙂

      Still we are inexorably drawn to an ideal, our idea of perfection.

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  1. It seems that if you wait for the perfect person, you may be waiting for a long time! How can you tell when the “perfect” one arrives in your life? And…sometimes someone who seems perfect at first may eventually turn out to be not so perfect. It’s better to find someone you enjoy being with who makes you laugh! 🙂

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    • All True> 🙂

      I’ve realised that humans don’t do ‘Perfect’ all that well. 😉

      Rather than trying to find the perfect one for us we’d do better trying to find what’s perfect in the people we meet, and recognising both they and we will have our imperfections! 🙂

      Thanks for your comments. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wise post. Learning to love in spite of all the foilbles! I wonder if two imperfect people can make for a “perfect” relationship.

    But yes, as Marilyn says perfection is not the goal here…. I wonder if good relationships help bring out the best in you?

    Liked by 1 person

      • Ahhh. Perfectionists deserve a post all to themselves! 😉

        My story in the post was more about someone i found to be perfect – my idea of the ‘Ideal’ woman, from back even before i started dating!

        There was just one ‘minor’ problem that destroyed ‘us’ ( 2 actually – the second one being that i was definitely not then ‘perfect’ so we were mismatched, but we may have worked it out in time? I was highly motivated to do so.) 🙂

        The minor problem?? – The Mother-in-Law!

        What’s the difference between an In-law and an Outlaw??

        Outlaws are ‘wanted’! 😉

        Being ‘perfect’ AND a good Catholic naturally meant she honoured her widowed mother.

        Normally – not a problem. But the mother held one opinion about me that went too far and was completely untrue. It did not end well.

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        • LOL, I never heard of that one before! In-laws vs. outlaws! 😀

          Sorry to hear about your love though. I understand where she is coming from though being raised Catholic myself. Interestingly enough, our national public radio (NPR), covered a segment on Catholic ways of life and the struggles and dilemmas they face with dogma and freedom of expression and choice. Ah yes, it’s difficult to change someone’s mind once he/she has made it up. People could get set in their ways. Seems like the mother-in-law could have benefited from an open mind.

          Huh….This reminds me of VJ’s prompt for the week on deviation: “the ability to alter ones perspective – to shift certainty to openness – allows for a deeper engagement with life. It is the opposite of that adage about insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. To deviate is to dare” 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

        • ‘Outlaws made me LOL when i first heard it. 🙂

          Thank you for your concern – it was nearly 30 years ago – i expect i’ll be over it soon. 😉 Yeah the M-I-L could have benefitted… but often the older the mind, the less need is seen to change it! 🙂

          Cool prompt! I’m only now starting to fully realise the value in being open vs being certain – certainty was something i craved early and I kinda got stuck in the ‘need’ for it.

          My photography has certainly helped clarify our (my) need to appreciate the benefits of choosing the appropriate (or a different) perspective!

          I wrote a post on the point even…(Hmmm.. actually i’have written a whole BUNCH of posts on the topic, but the one i was thinking of i had to draw an image for and it’s in here: https://lovewillbringustogether.wordpress.com/2017/04/24/whats-wrong-with-taking-a-stand-and-how-a-cuboctagon-might-show-us/). There’s a bit of optical illusion/maths/geometric trickery in their too but i got to the point eventually! 🙂

          Deviation can come with risk – as well as reward though. 😉

          Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your kind comment on the post. 🙂

      I have been giving more thought on the subject of ‘perfect’ relationships/people for us and may need to clarify my thoughts on the post and topic. 😉 Watch this space! 🙂

      I can be a little too literal at times (like the alliteration?? ) and i don’t think i perfectly covered the concept of perfection ( I’m on a roll here!) 🙂

      Perfection meaning without flaw is impossible for an imperfect being ( and we all are despite what some might think!) 😉 but i think it may be possible for a couple to be perfectly matched. 🙂

      I would say that the definition of a good relationship is one where you bring out the best in each other, while appreciating there can be times when we do not quite achieve our best.

      I’d say we have a good relationship, albeit a long-distance virtual one! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I love alliteration! Makes for good poetry. 😉 lol, I guess my definition of words will definitely color my interpretation, so thanks for the clarification! I think compatibility is important. Some relationships are turbulent and others are a “match in heaven”, but all relationships provide an opportunity to learn from another no matter how long or short it may be.

        I think I have a nice virtual family here on WordPress. I’m really grateful for that because I can’t always speak about all of these issues. I feel like I can explore a variety of topics. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • Fully agree. 🙂 The trouble with opportunity though is it’s only useful if you take it, sometimes the opportunity to learn (especially from our ‘mistakes’) slips by while we are busy sulking or feeling hurt or pretending not to ‘care’.

          Yes, WordPress in general seems to have a lot less negativity, vitriol and polarised biases than other Social Media such as FB and Twitter. You meet the nicest people here! 🙂

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