You Did Not Hear This From Me…

Recently a research group on sea mammals captured a rather odd porpoise on one of its trips. Its peculiarity was that it had feet. After they had photographed and measured the poor thing, they prepared to set it free.

“Wait a minute,” said one of the researchers, “Wouldn’t it be a kindness if our ship’s doctor here were to amputate the feet so that it would be like other porpoises?” “Not on your life,” exclaimed the doctor,

“That would, like, totally be defeeting the porpoise.”


What?? 😯


  1. Since you inflected that on me I will return the favour. 🙂

    1) A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he lay the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m sorry, but your dog has passed away.”

    “What?” screamed the man. “How can you tell? You haven’t done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!”

    With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever went right to work, checking the poor dead dog out thoroughly with his nose. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said, “Bark” (meaning “dead as a doornail”).

    The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, who also carefully sniffed out the poor dog on the table. As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, “Meow” (meaning “he’s history”). He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room.

    The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600. The dog’s owner went berserk. “$600! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!”

    The vet shook his head sadly and explained. “If you had taken my word for it, the charge would have been $50, but you wanted the Lab work and the cat scan.”

    2) An old snake goes to see his doctor.

    He says, “Doctor, I need something for my eyes. I can’t see well these days”. The doctor fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

    The snake comes back in 2 weeks, and tells the doctor he’s very depressed.

    The doctor says, “What’s the problem? Didn’t the glasses help you?”

    “The glasses are fine doc. I just discovered I’ve been living with a water hose the past 2 years!”

    3) A farmer from Texas goes to Australia on vacation. There he meets an Australian farmer and gets talking. The Australian shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice that size!”

    The Australian is annoyed at the Texan but doesn’t say anything. They walk around the farm a little, and the Australian farmer shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately replies, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”

    The conversation has died down when the Texan sees some kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks the Aussie, “What are those?”

    The Australian replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?”


  2. Joseph – badabing! 🙂

    Rain – glad it brought laughter in your life! and possibly just a touch of pain at the awful pun! 🙂

    Ed – i Sir, had the decency to stop at one! 😉 ( i still remember the kangaroo in looney tunes with Sylvester as being a Giant Mouthse!)


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