One for the Ladies…

i found this quite funny – but then i’m a single male πŸ˜‰

i hope it gives my female readers something to smile about?

.

Top ten tips to know if you have PMS… ( aka: Pass My Shotgun)

10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

9. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet (Doesn’t everybody??) πŸ™‚

8. The dryer has ‘shrunk’ every last pair of your jeans.

7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

6. You’re using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, “How’s my driving? Call 1-800-XXX-XXXX.”

5. Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice. 😯

4. You’re convinced there’s a God and he’s Definitely a man. ( my personal fave!) πŸ˜‰

3. You’re counting down the days until menopause.

2. You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Advertisements

39 thoughts on “One for the Ladies…

  1. Is this really funny? Offensive for sure but funny, hmmmm not so much.
    Okay, I really doubt that any Christian women question the fact, even in our most difficult times, that God has no sex. Man or woman??? Maybe aethists question this but not believers. God is is the Almighty Jehovah. The King of Kings, the Lord of Lords. Our Amen. The great Jehovah who gives us wisdom, joy and the ability to overcome the devil.

    If the above post is true of women you know, then you definitely NEED to hang around other women. Or maybe that is why you have wisely stayed single.

    LM

    Like

  2. LM – thank you for your thoughts. Honesty IS appreciated here – as is the ability to ‘find the funny’ and not take yourself TOO seriously at times.

    I sometimes post very serious and ‘heavy’ thoughts and topics but i want to attract ALL people together to my blog so that i can shine my particular ‘light’ and thoughts ( often but not always concerning Jesus and our spirit) to as many as possible.

    With that objective i also post lighter posts and maintain a healthy sense of humour, being able to both take and give back ‘jokes’ with those viewers who are kind enough to come back and think i have things worth considering here.

    You are always welcome but getting too heavy too often can get very ‘old’ very quickly.

    i believe if you look carefully at the post you will find that at NO TIME did i ever claim the post to be ‘true’ of the women i know and who are likely to read it here.

    Just Funny

    and some people – women christian believers – can actually see that.

    may His Peace and Joy find your Heart.

    P.S. while it may not fit very well with your own ‘path’ to Him and for a time i had a ‘no sex’ God myself, i am now of the opinion that the thousands of references to ‘Him’ and ‘He’ in the Old Testament and the New T when referring to the Most High God are actually there for a REASON!

    i am not yet in a position to adequately elaborate on that reason – i just recognise and accept it.

    i don’t boast it or feel in any way ‘privilidged’ that i am also male (at least this ‘image’ of me is).

    Your ‘take’ is up to you of course.

    Like

  3. When it comes to jokes about PMS you are on your own Love. πŸ™‚

    I did read about a book by Psychotherapist Jed Diamond, “The Irritable Male Syndrome.”

    “IMS (Irritable Male Syndrome) is in some ways similar to male menopause, but it can affect men of all ages. What often triggers IMS is acute or chronic stress.”

    “Focusing on two crucial times of life when male hormones are shifting rapidly-adolescence/young adulthood and midlife”

    “Describes in detail the symptoms of IMS; explains how the volatile mood swings of the syndrome can wreak havoc with a man’s closest relationships.”

    There is a good reason why middle aged men by shiny sports cars, shaped like a penis. πŸ™‚

    Like

  4. Ed – clearly the male Bruthahood is in severe disarray – Chicken! πŸ˜‰

    i hope i’m past any IMS now – i had my ‘sportcar period’ in my 30’s ( an RX-7 Mazda Rotary).

    I was a relatively ‘late-developer’ but i made up for it rather quickly i’m afraid.

    Still – things have been much more quiet and ‘respectable’ lately πŸ˜‰

    at least over here on MY side?? πŸ™‚

    Like

  5. “There is a good reason why middle aged men by shiny sports cars, shaped like a penis.”

    ed!!!

    πŸ˜‰

    ok, Love…well…ive been ‘gutted’ since 2001. im free of all that pms stuff. but honestly, even tho i was regularly in much discomfort from it – i never acted out. brent wouldnt let me. well, i did once, and he cornered me and told me to get a hold of myself. i told him it was just pms. he said, “well, if you know what it is, and you can rationalize that, then its likely you can control the way you respond to it.”

    well, alrighty then.

    done.

    no drugs. just tough love.

    yay!

    Like

  6. and i dont think this was offensive at all. i get it. you know me, tho, i can find the funny in just about anything.

    hi ed!

    Like

  7. and i KNOW it πŸ™‚

    SO Brent very kindly helped you overcome any ‘moodswings’ owing to a natural fluctuation in hormone levels huh?

    What a nice Man! πŸ˜‰

    And yet he increases the volume of his snoring by taking a cold medicine AFTER you have shown Him the depth of the ‘problem’ via a vid?? Hmmmmm…

    Do as me say not as me do i am thinking???

    I’m so glad i did not offend you! πŸ™‚

    <B

    Like

  8. So I love chocolate, and I love omelets, but not in my neediest of moods have I COMBINED the two!!! That’s just wrong! πŸ˜€

    Like

  9. Ok, never did I put chocolate in an omelette.

    But I did used to break my drying rack every month, then calm down and go ‘hmm…why have I gone crazy?’ then someone would point out that almost a month had gone by since the last time….

    And from hearing all about menopause, I’m not sure it’s something to look forward to! Eek!

    And I don’t think this posst is offensive…just funny.

    Like

  10. Oh WOW! πŸ˜€

    i have been DOUBLY Blessed today! πŸ™‚

    Some much needed Son Shine at my blog – even if some of it was due to the Rain πŸ˜‰

    (and Rain – some call this a ‘comment take-over’ – it is rare in blogdom these days and not as frequent as in past times… (the GOOD old days!) πŸ˜‰ but it still makes ME smile every single time – others may have similar responses when it is done with Love and not out of malice – of course, we are all different, so i can’t speak for all πŸ˜‰

    Like

  11. Rain – i have only experienced MANMS when my computer was ‘down’ for three weeks! 😯

    and possibly if my chocolate levels get too low! πŸ˜‰

    BK! Hi! πŸ™‚

    Your coment made me smile πŸ™‚ ( ok – giggle even!)

    I think you have nothing to ‘worry’ about for quite a few years yet! Good luck for SA – if you are anywhere near Jo’burg see if you can say Hi to Rain (see above). Her blog link is in my blogroll over on the right!

    Nice to know i did not offend you either πŸ™‚

    Like

  12. Yes, I know my take is up to me. However as far as objectivity goes I am very adept in that.

    My comment still stands. I do not know if your topics are always heavy or not. Even light hearted remarks do not have to be offensive.

    There is a woman Shay Riley of the “Black Female Interracial Marriage blog” whom I discuss on my blog is an online thug. One could argue that since she has failed in her endeavors using the lives of others, that she is getting recompense for her sins, however, even in the case of this online thug, I am sure that even Shay Riley aka Evia Moore would meet only some of the portions of the “joke” and light hearted assault on Christian women you have posted here. But then, she is not Christian. So I know no one else whom these descriptions you have provided would fit πŸ™‚

    Anyone can start a blog and proclaim Christianity, however the word of God looks to the heart. The heart is seen in the words of a man. Your heart, what does it have??
    Calling God God is one thing. Having a blog that appears Christian, another!

    5. Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice.??? Funny????

    Stereotype jokes are offensive. You are a man who “proclaims” Christ (I think) and yet posted these type of things AND when questioned about it, responds in a way that to me is highly suspect and unacceptable.

    Also, the thrust of my post is that for you to have the temerity to post this stuff on your “Christian” blog is indicative of your heart for God or the company you keep.

    You are single as you say that you are, and I said that based on the offensive remarks you have made here, it is not surprising you have stayed single.

    As for all the responses on your blog in support of your position. Very odd as well.

    First, one person can have so many aliases on this blog and be so many commenters here and elsewhere and the wholesale support is orchestrated, or at least seems that way to me and I am not the average Joe πŸ™‚

    However, even if ONE MILLION people “respond” and give you a thumbs up in a “flurry” on your post, it changes NOTHING.
    Your post was, and still is not funny, stereotypical, demeaning and even a sexist. Unchristian.

    You say you are a Christian man, do you think a pastor in a church would use such a joke? Do you think a Christian woman of integrity will laugh about
    “Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice”<< Your quote. How rude!

    Also, your theological lengthy arguments confuse gullible Christians so it would be nice if as a soldier of Christ you kept it clean, biblically sound and encouraging.

    As for peace in heart, that is what Jesus promised and that is what I have. Do you? Your jokes border on bitter so check yourself.

    I expect a flurry of numerous "commenters" in support of your untenable position. It changes absolutely nothing!

    Shay Riley aka Evia Moore aka Halima Sal Andersen an online thug, a suspected child molester and pedophile is the only person I think can be captured by most of the things you have described. However, she is not Christian and worships a Nigerian god.

    LM

    Like

  13. yall are CRAZY.

    this is hilarious. of course…the only real ‘symptom’ i get (other than that darn dryer shrinkin’ all my jeans…) is sensitivity. not really anger-sensitivity…more like cry-like-a-baby-sensitivity.

    only time you’ll see me cry, more than likely! πŸ˜•

    Like

  14. LM –
    “I am not the average Joe :)”

    you and i are in TOTAL agreement on that one!

    You can come and badmouth me all you like here – i take no offense, but start believing that Tam, BK, Rain or J-R are mere ‘aliases’ of my blog and you need serious counselling Girl.

    I said before that YOU are welcome here anytime – but you can leave your paranoia at the door please – i am NOT in the least bit interested in your vendetta with whoever you think is tapping your cell phone or internet messages

    Leave your shay-bashing and vicious slander for your own blog i won’t have any more of it on mine without some physical independent proof – i promise not to make offensive jokes that it seems only you take offense at over on your blog in return.

    and you can forget looking for a ‘flurry of numerous ‘commenters’ ‘ ( insinuation well and truly NOTED) my friends have already said all they need to or felt obliged to and are not the sort of people to gang up on someone they don’t know and it seems are unlikely to want to if that is how little you respect them and their honest Christian opinions.

    And your ‘genius’ is a tad flawed – i have NEVER claimed to be anything close to a ‘Christian’ – not yet.

    I do however do my best to understand both Him and myself to come closer to an understanding of God.

    i value Him above all other human beings.

    i believe in His words – even if i imperfectly do everything He said to.

    That includes serving all whom i meet in the attitude of a HUMBLE servant.

    Try it sometime. – sinners and saints alike!

    Like

  15. J-R we may be crazy – but i LIKE it πŸ˜‰

    i’m not very good when it comes to women who cry – they can usually walk all OVER me and i turn to a mushy softy.

    Nothing like my normal self – of course πŸ˜‰

    I hope Landry is made of sterner stuff? πŸ™‚

    Like

  16. Oh dear, I am sorry I appeared not be be a humble servant. I too am not perfect and daily work to be more like Christ.

    I did not mean to sound like I was bad mouthing you and only spoke my mind, Sorry if it seemed so harsh πŸ™‚ I was just stating what I saw and expressing how I feel.

    Ans yes, the Internet is a sess pool and there are different posters who comment and appear to be authentic and are absolutely not real.
    I have researched this for TEN years so no, I am not paranoid πŸ™‚ just knowledgeable by his grace. Paranoia is fear based on lack of knowledge. I have neither. \o/

    First name basis you have used to describe some commenters Some people are honest and are what to be, but there are—- cyber records show that many who are not what they appear. That is just the history of the Cyberworld. Simple fact! It is like the real world.

    The Internet is so successful as a lure machine for poor children and gullible adults because it is so easy to fabricate your identity and mislead hoards of people.
    My quest is to stop online criminals.

    I do so because it is my calling from the Lord. Children and law abiding folk should have resource on the Internet when assaulted by online felons.

    There is no Shay Riley aka Halima Sal Andersen bashing. with my knowledge of the law and as an officer of the law, I would not slander anyone. If you want more proof, call me.

    If I was not certain in my quest and information about this online thug, I will not be sharing it as a warning to all my brothers and sisters in the Lord. It is something I will do for as long as this woman and others like her remains free.

    This woman is an online felon. My mission is to protect children and the innocents from the Thugs and online women Predators like this woman. Everyone should understand the Internet and the dangers to their children or themselves.

    I have a calling on my life which I must follow and that is to protect the innocent from online thugs like Shay Riley and thousands and thousands of other online Reprobates.

    I will NOT stop in my God sanctioned quest to stop her illegal activities and free others from Pedophiles, molesters and so on.

    I am very sorry I offended you in my post. Please do not be angry that I shared my views. They might have seemed strong but online criminality is not joke.

    Hugs and kisses to you always.:)

    Thanks for the welcome. Keep writing and I will keep reading.

    Love ya!

    LM /

    Like

  17. LM – Very Grace-ful. If genuine and there is no sarcasm in your word then i could begin to see Him ‘in’ you! πŸ™‚

    As i said – i have not taken personal offence that you expresed your own opinions, but please do not believe i would go to the trouble of faking my friend’s names on my own comments simply to address an opinion on a joke post. It is a very simple matter to determine if those comments are the genuine thoughts of REAL people by a quick visit to the blogs they link to and asking one question, then if ‘proof is still required visit any of the thousands of blogs their blogs link to and ask another question, etc..

    It is interesting to note that those who commented here – ALL of whom i count as my friends even though none of us have met the other personally – yet – i have open invitations to visit some of them any time i choose and do hope to some day soon – it is interesting that they are on three different continents: S Africa; Scotland, Europe as well as N America.

    Through this blog i have met some incredible and wonderful people from ALL over the English-speaking world. i am blessed in this beyond my understanding.

    i by NO means believe that everyone who uses the net is nothing but 100% honest and says only truth, BUT i have made solid relationships with all of the people on my blogroll over 2 years and have not found ANY one of them to be less than 100% genuine, loving real human beings – not perfect, (well, except maybe Tam?) but most definitely Authentic, and the majority true Christians LIVING a Christian life dedicated to serving Him.

    i am honoured to do what i can to serve them and be their friend in return.

    Fakes get a short shrift from me and any such relationship does not last long on-line i find.

    i hope those kisses are Holy Ones, Sister πŸ™‚

    your servant,

    <B

    Like

  18. Brother L

    Those kisses were holy πŸ™‚
    My comments sincere, I hope you can tell. I am glad you understand. Praise be to the Almighty who unites his Children in love through our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

    I just shared that not many people find their callings in this world and I have found mine, by his grace and guidance:
    To rid the Internet of Predators like Shay Riley aka Halima Sal Andersen of the “Black Female Interracial blog”. To create awareness to ALL people about the dangers online. Expose thugs who prey on children and online molesters etc.
    Not something I would have chosen but I know when the Spirit is leading me and what he reveals to me as a Christian trying to humbly do his will.

    God wants his children safe and I believe that it is important to do the work I do. That is the reason I had to let you know that there is no bashing of anyone just plain truths, investigations and by his grace a ridding of the world of such vile Reprobates and crooks. Like you, I am God’s humble servant–trying to be better in service daily.

    PS: I have joke. Why did the woman scream on the right side of the street? Emm because she saw a handsome man. Not so funny?? lol πŸ™‚ Just thought I would show you I have some mirth. A little?

    But back to something serious, Pedophiles and child molesters, Predators like this woman (Shay Riley aka Halima Sal Andersen) make the Internet an unsafe place dangerous place and that should not be.
    Christians should stand up against it. I am sure you are against such perniciously wicked acts. By God’s grace evil doers will be exposed and routed–Ameen.

    Please pray for the children who are caught up by these criminals and also please pray that these Psychopaths be caught and jailed.

    Love in him always. Christian Huggz to you out there in Australia. πŸ™‚

    Love ya–Agape always πŸ™‚
    LM

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s