Love is… being continued!

Miss Mandy (and Selena and a whole bunch of your kind ‘love’ comments) got me to thinking last night…

We sometimes try to put other’s needs above our own. ( Sometimes we have a ‘need’ to do this and then we put that (our) need first!)

But should we try to do that?

I know some consider it to be doing His Will and believe it is being un-selfish and humbling ourselves to serve others as Christ showed by the washing of the Disciple’s feet. And i am not saying we should not consider others and consider only our self. Never that.

But Jesus gave us ALL One commandment above all others – to Love only God, with all your Heart, all your soul, all your mind; with all your strength ( we are strong in Him). He then said another commandment which was like unto the first – ‘Love thy neighbour AS THY SELF’.

Note he did not say ‘above’ thyself – but AS thyself.

I believe he chose these words partly because we are rarely, if ever, the best judge of what we – or others have best need of.

I think he therefore wants us to do what is best for our relationship with GOD, trusting that God will direct us to those good things and away from the bad, in terms any can understand.

“Love is putting other’s needs above your own”?

I don’t quite think so.

Love is doing things for others that bring you BOTH closer to God.

Love is not about putting you ‘down’: removing one’s ego?  – certainly!

Not being selfish – Definitely!

Love is Humbling – in order to remove the selfish ego!

WE are to serve – Him – and through serving Him, serve those who have ‘need’ of Him.

But in this our need of Him is ‘greater’.

Do not put ( what you think) another’s need is before your own need to perfect your relationship with Him.

Read that through again and it hopefully will make sense?


Comments, Questions? 🙂


  1. this is good stuff, B. I like what you’ve said. there is a time to serve others by putting your own desires aside, and there is a time to pay attention to what you are needing. Jesus, when facing crowds of people who wanted to listen, to learn, to be healed, made the decision sometimes to retreat away from what were probably chaotic interactions with the crowds. that would be, in my opinion, a model of taking care of your own ‘health’.


  2. Totally makes sense Love!!

    While serving others is good, you still need to respect your personal life and that includes your relationship with God.

    I am a HUGE overextender of my time and resources. Huge. To a fault. People Pleaser. Doormat. You name it. This was especially so with my family. It got to a point where I was so angry and frustrated all the time that my personal life was getting messy and I was not seeking God like I should have been b/c by the end of the day, I was SO overwhelmed with EVERYONE ELSE’S life and problems and things I had committed to for THEM, that I neglected myself. Even my family at times.

    This is an excellent post friend…as they all are. 😉

    ♥ you!


  3. ” This was especially so with my family” meaning my family outside of my husband and children. 😉

    Now living so far from them, I notice I feel differently too. I miss them DEARLY and have sad days where I really miss my mom and grandma and nieces, but I am not nearly as stressed now.


  4. So glad you got that! 🙂

    I have seen what some people think of as ‘love’ almost destroy them (and in the case of some men destroyed themselves and their children) because of a ‘need’ to put others ‘first’.

    I hope with my little book of love (definitive version) to correct a few misconceptions so that there might be less self-destruction and more ego-removal.

    I think women can often get a ‘raw’deal’ out of what they are told love is.

    Like Brandy had for a time – they can become quite discouraged and frustrated.

    Sometimes in our desire to show love – we add to the problem instead of easing it.

    True Love does not do that. 🙂


  5. This is too good. Very well thought out and makes total sense to me Love! And that’s been hard for me today. One of those days 😕

    I’ve heard all my Christian life to love others ‘above’ myself – but that goes against loving others as we love ourselves. I’ve never put those two up against each other.

    It confirms again how much we need to test everything we are told or taught. Scripture MUST support it.

    G’mornin’ Love!

    Love you so!


  6. Thank you, Love. I had a martyr complex for years, thinking I was to sacrifice myself for other’s desires…very distorted thinking.

    I must listen to the Spirit’s leading and not my distorted thoughts… 😉


  7. Wow! The more i give out of Him the more He gives me back from you! I am deeply touched by all your comments – Thank you 🙂

    (from my Little Book of Love…)

    “Love is Powerful – it uses, never Abuses, that Power.”

    Seems like that power is hard at work touching people in very healthy ways from this post 🙂

    Love (True Love) frees us, it never enslaves us.

    Humbled to be His empty vessel He fills and i can pour out to others.


  8. oooh Love, you should TOTALLY write a book! 😀 I’d read it. 😉

    In counseling, one thing that was very hard for my counselor to get acrossed to me for some time was that it is NOT loving to let people walk all over you… to “do” for them constantly… to bail them out of situations. In fact it is more harmful to the relationship to say “yes” all the time. It took me a long time to realize that. A long time. Even still I struggle with it b/c I am SUCH a people pleaser. People pleasers are annoying and have serious issues. Seriously. 😉 I can say that b/c I am/was one. I am much better than I was several years ago though.

    You should do a post on your thoughts on boundaries….for some reason I think it would be good. 😉 hehe

    ♥ YOU!! Hope you’re having a great weekend! 😀 We have thunderstorms and tornado warnings in North Dakota tonight. 😯 I hate tornados


  9. Hey Love…nice hint 🙂

    This is a great post. And I agree.

    I was just telling Tam that you and I often see the same thing, just from different angles. Same thing here. Your angle on this passage is to not love people more than I would love myslef. I’ve always interpreted that passage to say, don’t love people less than you love yourself. sane thing just different angles.

    I believe in pouring our lives into others. Not to hold them higher than ourselves, but to hold them as high as we would like to be held. We are just as valuable to the next person and the next person is just as valuable as us.


  10. as a child, my mom ingrained it into me that “i am third”. she even made me a gold charm to wear that just said “3rd” to serve as a constant remember of: Jesus first, others second, and i am third.

    sweet sentiments and a good mindset readjustment for an 8-year old.

    BUT… it was stressed so much that now, as an adult, i have a hard time doing anything for myself, receiving anything for myself. “what? how can i do that just for me?!” is my natural reaction.

    even now… i’m sitting in wisconsin, mostly on vacation, and i’m feeling largely guilty that my husband is back in south africa working.

    so yes… i hear what you’re saying about how the “others above yourself” message can get distorted in our minds.


  11. I’ve been ‘gone’ quite a while from ‘computer land’ because ours has been in the shop for over a week.

    It was an adjustment at first, but I got some good rest and reading done. That’s why I sort of hesitate to ‘get back into it’. I’m sure I won’t be trying to catch up on everything I missed =)!

    As to this post, I agree with your thoughts and the comments so far. I think it is a fine line to love (and serve) others as ourselves. For me, the defining factor is found in the first part of Christ’s command, “Love the Lord…”

    Like many have already stated, our relationship with Him must come first, and sadly too often we put ourselves before Him by not ‘making time’ to be with Him. Our enemy provides so many excuses to have us think God would not want us to ‘feel obligated’ or making time with Him feel so ‘structured’ that we don’t persist in regular daily fellowship with Him.

    But if/when we do make it our HIGHEST priority, there’s nothing more self-fulfilling! I know not everyone can have a lot of that ‘alone’ time with other responsibilities, but just starting with whatever we have available, and PERSISTING with that, will reveal the value of it and increase the desire for more, I believe.

    There’s some song lyrics that describe what I’m trying to communicate:
    “We can’t go out until You fill us
    Empty what can we do?
    God of heaven, we confess our need of You”

    I think ‘loving ourselves’ will only be a valid pursuit if we cultivate our love for Him…and out of that flows the power and right attitude for loving and serving others.

    I had a crazy day running several different directions ‘ministering’, but I don’t feel depleted by it. So much comes from the attitude of the heart that can only be ‘right’ by knowing we are just the ‘glove’ His hands can serve others through. Our part is making sure we ‘fit so snugly’ we’re hardly noticed in the process =)!

    Oh, and lest you think I’m ‘superwoman’, I did need a nice nap and some time in the Word after it all (part of the ‘ministry’ was spending time in His presence worshiping with His people, so that was a definite ‘filler upper’ too =)!

    In His Love, filled up to be poured out, and enjoying being His ‘channel’ for other’s sake too,


  12. I am so grateful for the fact that you posted on this Love!

    During my pre-saved days I was very much a martyr and continually sacrificing myself to help people. So much so that it became a burden and I eventually became resentful of individuals not returning it in any way.

    For me, and I’m pretty sure for others too, it had a lot to do with having low self-esteem. I was so insecure for majority of my teenage years. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and didn’t think I was worthy of real love and so I poured what I had out to others and never left any for myself.

    After I got saved it all made sense. Loving others is a definitely a command but it’s close to impossible if I don’t love myself first. I am still working on loving myself and not being so hard on myself everytime I fall short but I am definitely in a better place than I was before, glory to God!

    I find it amazing how much of our experiences determine our difficulty in loving ourselves. For example, many individuals who come from abusive pasts have a hard time loving themselves and I just praise God that through Him it is possible to be delivered from our insecurities and to love ourselves.

    I hope this didn’t sound too disjointed. I have many thoughts on this but not sure I have the words to disseminate all of them.

    Love and blessings to you!


  13. Some more thoughts that came to mind [of course immediately after I hit the “say it” button!]:

    I have realized that if I don’t love myself essentially I am not loving something that God has created. He made me, fearfully and wonderfully, which means He took time out in my creation, in His plan for what I was going to look like, how I was going to sound [every hair on my head, right?] and by not loving myself I am not showing much respect for the Creator of me at all. This transfers to how I love others for God created them too.

    In terms of meeting people’s need, I allow God to lead me in that. I wait for God to tell me how to help people in whatever way. Again, a lifelong learning process and somedays I still fall short and may do something for someone and end up causing myself stress which I know is not the purpose behind God’s command for us to carry each other’s burdens.


  14. Your comments here amaze (and renew!) me every time! – Thank you all. 🙂

    Leesh, i’m beginning to understand the OCD thing a little better 😉 It’s good to remove our ego and not build it up and your mom’s thought is seen by many as the sort of thing that will ensure we don’t become puffed up with pride of ourself. But there is a ‘down’ side to that kind of thinking too – and a negative ego is every bit as bad as a positive one.

    Laz – I was missing you and just this morning was wondering whether to send an email asking if all was ok – i am glad to see that you are well and had some non-computing time – we all have need of a vacation from time to time 😉 (are you listening Alece?)

    You are so right Laz – it can be a VERY fine line between loving Him and doing for others, and loving our self – and our ego loving itself.

    GC – I so like all you said – you (and all) are His Creation and above all on earth we have humans been granted special power – but with power comes great responsibility – often that is too much for our fragile minds and ego’s to bear on it’s own. many times we don’t live up to the responsibility required of us – to our shame and sorrow – and to His Sorrow. Christ says more than one time how he wished we (even His chosen 12)better understood Him and His Father’s Will – that our Faith were greater than it so often is.

    i think we are to let Love fill our Hearts and listen to it’s ‘lead’. We then can hopefullly learn to do His Will and not build up our selfish ego in the process. ( ideally at the same time we work on breaking that within us that distorts Him down and removing the dross from our thoughts and bodies.

    My love to you all 🙂


  15. That’s all right then (and you are actually having one!! yay!)

    Now enjoy all of it ma’am – that’s an order! 😉 (and i do know all about the part of you that wants to be both serving Him and being with those you love no less, by reason of being where you are now, in Africa).

    Since Jesus, we have NO reason to feel guilty – apparently? 🙂

    Hard to give up habits of a lifetime i guess?


  16. i still have to do some work stuff… so i think that’s making it more challenging as well. i’m checking the main ministry email account, answering the usa ministry phone, AND writing the newsletter (which was due yesterday — so i’m writing it right…. NOW!).

    but yes. i am trying my darndest to embrace each moment and fully enjoy each one.

    i spent a wonderful day with a wonderful friend. and i am very blessed


I welcome comments - share the love!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s